Tears stream up

For all those who face their fears on a daily basis, I do not envy you. I hold, deep within me, a terror of being lost. There are times when little is known to us besides what is laid out before our eyes. The future left just beyond, clouded from view. Understanding rests farther still. The reasons for life's daily plot seems to have just as many twists as the day before all the while retaining its mystery. While I sit, stunned at the chaos before me, my mind wanders elsewhere. To my sanctuary held deep within, where the world suspends and I am free to collect my thoughts once more. While in this haven, my ears are attuned to all that is around. Senses amplify giving visions clarity. The fact that the sky was crying only added to the atmosphere of the moment.
The radio, or should I say a friends ipod, was playing as we sped through rain slicked streets this past Sunday morning. The day had already been declared terrible by the driver, who had forgotten to put in his contacts as well as fill the tank. We were both running on empty. Since the previous night, I had been left to wander amongst my own thoughts in desperate attempt to solve what has been so long ailing me. A secret worry kept hidden from the rest. It has everything to do with where I have come from, and even more so with where I am going.
The question has been asked a thousand times over, all within a few minute months. It is requested of most graduates in one form or another, and its burden was weighing heavily on my morale for the duration of the day. The question referred to above being: Where do we go from here?
At one point or another in our lives, we are expected to make choices. The nature of which varies given circumstances but each contributes to the general plan for one's destination in life. The fact that the plan is entirely within one's own power is a very frightening thought. What if my pride corrupts my perception, as it generally tends to do. Will I be able to prevent a train wreck while I am still on-board? This is where my thoughts turned upward for an answer to what has been beyond me the entire time. I am not the conductor of such a train. The very tracks that guide us were laid long before I was even born. Every question I have on this one way journey, is answered by a single phrase each time I cry out to him in fear: Have faith.
Throughout the days in the past week and even greater still, the nights, I was able to rediscover what that had meant; for it had long been lost to my forgetful mind. It was sad really, that I could even consider myself to be at the same level of control as the conductor from my distal seat in coach. Somewhere along the line I had fallen asleep, wishing that the trip would merely end. I had suffered many horrible wreckages thus far that have burned upon my inner eyelid the carnage of a plan gone awry. Selfish intentions have tracked their path through miles of snow to the point where my feet have become frost bitten and numb. Not wishing to continue, I have sought refuge within the warm carriage of hope. Though, I am currently unable to move, I can hear whispers. Close friends and closer new acquaintances reaching out. My ears tuned in today during the soggy car trip, piercing the melody of music and reverberating inside each chamber of my heart. I still cannot move, but I realize now what is causing this sense of paralysis. He wants me to listen. He has been trying for so long to hold me still for more than a brief moment. I have been running, at times until I felt as though my lungs were going to burst. He used this opportunity, my apparent pride-filled weakness, as a chance to pull on my heart-strings, until my eyes began to water. Not from pain or sensitivity, but from the comfort. A sense of ease engulfed my frozen body. I had found the train that I so desperately yearned for. It had been waiting in the station for me. Now as I sit here, I can understand more fully the phenomena that took place in the car. Surrounded by clouded sky, my tears poured. They were calling out for guidance. To the only place they new where to turn, up. It was as if my tears were praying on my behalf. It is said that the Lord knows our hearts, surely he listens to it when it cries.